No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
