Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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