ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
