Dual....:-)
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
