so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
