I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
