dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
