did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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