i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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