check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
