i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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