Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize