I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
