I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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