We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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