Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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