whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
