12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
