A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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