The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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