I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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