I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you would pick up someone in the library
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
