i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
