in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
