The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
