The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
