Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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