Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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