I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
