I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
