wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
