:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize