soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
