Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I AM VODKA MAN
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
