Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
