a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
