And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh