it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
