my sisters under your porch take her home
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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