The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
