porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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