Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
