I think I just saw someone hide a body.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
