the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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