So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
