I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
