But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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