the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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