TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
