Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize