Kiss
Puke
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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