Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
