I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
