I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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