Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
