The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
