oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
