overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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