One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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