my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
