next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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