Nicole vs. Life
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
