I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She said her name was "party"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
