im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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